mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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