Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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