Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
