I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
