For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
