Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have aggressive nipples.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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