will power is for people who don't want to get laid
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
