i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
