You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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