I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
