just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
