What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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