just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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