just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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