my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
