he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
