How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
birth control should be required to get into college
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
