Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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