so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
