So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
