Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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