I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
