eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
