New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
