Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
