i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
