remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
