Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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