Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sext me about skeletons
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
