I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
