Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
