God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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