thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
