It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
