i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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