I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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