god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
