Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
