So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
