someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
