I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
