best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
