four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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