I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
