I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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