Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
