I can't watch pbs sober anymore
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
