is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
