I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
