Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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