If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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