Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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