Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Found your dick twin last night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
