I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
